#saturdaysatire: woman celebrates another successful year of downplaying her accomplishments

Year-end employee reviews can be intimidating for women in the workplace, who may find themselves questioning whether or not to negotiate for raises and expanded benefits. But 34-year-old Carolyn Weissman has found a perfect solution: Humbly decline praise and revel in career stagnation. “My secret to success is simple,” says Weissman. “I just redefine ‘success’ as ‘quietly sliding by unnoticed.’” […]

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#saturdaysatire: Man corners woman to explain he is ‘one of the good ones’

After being confronted about sexual jokes made about his female coworkers, 35-year-old employee Bret Raybould cornered project manager Libbie Sabo to explain that he’s “one of the good ones” and she “doesn’t even know everything he does for women” and that she should “watch what she says” since he is “nice”. “He’s really trying to drive his point home,” said […]

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#saturdaysatire: Childless women are selfish monsters, claims idiot mob

Any woman who doesn’t want children is automatically worse than Hitler, says an mob made up of fucking morons. The mob, which has been gathering online under the name “Your Uterus, Our Business,” has been gaining traction over the last week by writing all in caps, yelling incoherently and getting really sweary. “It’s a fucking disgrace,” head pitchfork wielder William […]

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#saturdaysatire: Screen Actors Guild Develops Retraining Program For 30-Year-Old Actresses Aging Out Of Workforce

feminism - feminist satire (2)

There’s still hope, girls. I mean, women. I mean, girls. LOS ANGELES—In an effort to help open new doors for the many women struggling to readjust to life after performing, officials from the Screen Actors Guild‐American Federation of Television and Radio Artists spoke to reporters Thursday about the union’s new job-training program for 30-year-old actresses who have aged out of […]

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#saturdaysatire: local creep enthusiastically sex-positive

MADISON, Wisc. – Social movements emphasizing body positivity and sexual freedom are gaining support from people of all backgrounds — none more outspoken than local creep, Leonard Finkle, who passionately considers himself “sex-positive.” “Oh yeah, I’m definitely all for ladies expressing themselves in whatever way they want… sexually,” Finkle said with a sly curl of the lip. While some say […]

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#saturdaysatire: I don’t support feminism if it means murdering all men

Good points well made. Like any other socially conscious woman, I am a firm believer in gender equality. Ending workplace discrimination, making reproductive health care affordable—I’ve championed these goals my whole life. They’re important to me, and that’s why the feminist movement frustrates me so much. I’m sorry, but I simply cannot and will not support feminism if it means […]

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#saturdaysatire: Female Trump Supporters Just Feel More Comfortable With GOP Candidate Who’s Openly Horrible To Them

Some honest-to-god, does exactly what it says on the tin, misogyny. What’s not to love? MANCHESTER, NH—Describing the current Republican frontrunner’s frankness on the topic as a welcome change of pace in the crowded race, female supporters of Donald Trump told reporters Monday they simply felt more comfortable backing a candidate who is openly hostile and belittling toward them. “It’s […]

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#saturdaysatire: ten things feminism has ruined for me

I’m late to the game on this piece, I know. (I’ve been too busy hating men and not shaving my legs, you see.) Highlights for me: Catholicism (it and I were on shaky ground anyway but feminism blew it right out of the water); television (yeah, really, all of it); and dancing on bars (mind, you, there’s probably a plausible […]

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