#saturdaysatire: Man corners woman to explain he is ‘one of the good ones’

After being confronted about sexual jokes made about his female coworkers, 35-year-old employee Bret Raybould cornered project manager Libbie Sabo to explain that he’s “one of the good ones” and she “doesn’t even know everything he does for women” and that she should “watch what she says” since he is “nice”. “He’s really trying to drive his point home,” said […]

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#saturdaysatire: women now empowered by everything a woman does

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According to a study released Monday, women—once empowered primarily via the assertion of reproductive rights or workplace equality with men—are now empowered by virtually everything the typical woman does. “From what she eats for breakfast to the way she cleans her home, today’s woman lives in a state of near-constant empowerment,” said Barbara Klein, professor of women’s studies at Oberlin […]

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#saturdaysatire: Childless women are selfish monsters, claims idiot mob

Any woman who doesn’t want children is automatically worse than Hitler, says an mob made up of fucking morons. The mob, which has been gathering online under the name “Your Uterus, Our Business,” has been gaining traction over the last week by writing all in caps, yelling incoherently and getting really sweary. “It’s a fucking disgrace,” head pitchfork wielder William […]

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#saturdaysatire: Pope Francis Forgives Women for Having Periods

In an act of unprecedented grace, Pope Francis has announced that the Catholic Church will allow priests to forgive women who have committed the “original sin” of menstruation. “It is important, in this Year of Mercy, for the Church to show compassion toward all members of society,” said Pope Francis, after the Synod on Girl Stuff concluded late last week. […]

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#saturdaysatire: State’s Abortion Waiting Period Allows Women To Explore Alternatives To Making Their Own Decisions

Saying the law provides women with an opportunity to carefully consider all their options, North Carolina officials today praised the state’s abortion waiting period for allowing women to explore alternatives to making their own decisions. “We want to make sure any woman seeking an abortion has ample opportunity to reconsider determining for herself what is best for her body,” said […]

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#saturdaysatire: Man Joining Feminist Movement Has No Ulterior Motive

A Dublin based student reportedly has no ulterior motive in joining his college’s feminist movement. WWN understands that Fergal Richards, a student at Trinity College Dublin, joined one of the college’s 27 feminist related movements to fight the oppression of women in society and not because he really fancies one of the movement’s members. “I resent the accusation that I […]

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#saturdaysatire: man finally put in charge of struggling feminist movement

An oldie but still wonderful. Also: current. The Onion‘s top work: WASHINGTON—After decades spent battling gender discrimination and inequality in the workplace, the feminist movement underwent a high-level shake-up last month, when 53-year-old management consultant Peter “Buck” McGowan took over as new chief of the worldwide initiative for women’s rights. McGowan, who now oversees the group’s day-to-day operations, said he […]

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#saturdaysatire: Screen Actors Guild Develops Retraining Program For 30-Year-Old Actresses Aging Out Of Workforce

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There’s still hope, girls. I mean, women. I mean, girls. LOS ANGELES—In an effort to help open new doors for the many women struggling to readjust to life after performing, officials from the Screen Actors Guild‐American Federation of Television and Radio Artists spoke to reporters Thursday about the union’s new job-training program for 30-year-old actresses who have aged out of […]

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#saturdaysatire: local creep enthusiastically sex-positive

MADISON, Wisc. – Social movements emphasizing body positivity and sexual freedom are gaining support from people of all backgrounds — none more outspoken than local creep, Leonard Finkle, who passionately considers himself “sex-positive.” “Oh yeah, I’m definitely all for ladies expressing themselves in whatever way they want… sexually,” Finkle said with a sly curl of the lip. While some say […]

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#saturdaysatire: I don’t support feminism if it means murdering all men

Good points well made. Like any other socially conscious woman, I am a firm believer in gender equality. Ending workplace discrimination, making reproductive health care affordable—I’ve championed these goals my whole life. They’re important to me, and that’s why the feminist movement frustrates me so much. I’m sorry, but I simply cannot and will not support feminism if it means […]

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#saturdaysatire: Female Trump Supporters Just Feel More Comfortable With GOP Candidate Who’s Openly Horrible To Them

Some honest-to-god, does exactly what it says on the tin, misogyny. What’s not to love? MANCHESTER, NH—Describing the current Republican frontrunner’s frankness on the topic as a welcome change of pace in the crowded race, female supporters of Donald Trump told reporters Monday they simply felt more comfortable backing a candidate who is openly hostile and belittling toward them. “It’s […]

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#saturdaysatire: ten things feminism has ruined for me

I’m late to the game on this piece, I know. (I’ve been too busy hating men and not shaving my legs, you see.) Highlights for me: Catholicism (it and I were on shaky ground anyway but feminism blew it right out of the water); television (yeah, really, all of it); and dancing on bars (mind, you, there’s probably a plausible […]

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