#saturdaysatire: woman celebrates another successful year of downplaying her accomplishments

Year-end employee reviews can be intimidating for women in the workplace, who may find themselves questioning whether or not to negotiate for raises and expanded benefits. But 34-year-old Carolyn Weissman has found a perfect solution: Humbly decline praise and revel in career stagnation. “My secret to success is simple,” says Weissman. “I just redefine ‘success’ as ‘quietly sliding by unnoticed.’” […]

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#saturdaysatire: Man corners woman to explain he is ‘one of the good ones’

After being confronted about sexual jokes made about his female coworkers, 35-year-old employee Bret Raybould cornered project manager Libbie Sabo to explain that he’s “one of the good ones” and she “doesn’t even know everything he does for women” and that she should “watch what she says” since he is “nice”. “He’s really trying to drive his point home,” said […]

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#saturdaysatire: women now empowered by everything a woman does

feminism - feminist satire (2)

According to a study released Monday, women—once empowered primarily via the assertion of reproductive rights or workplace equality with men—are now empowered by virtually everything the typical woman does. “From what she eats for breakfast to the way she cleans her home, today’s woman lives in a state of near-constant empowerment,” said Barbara Klein, professor of women’s studies at Oberlin […]

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#saturdaysatire: Childless women are selfish monsters, claims idiot mob

Any woman who doesn’t want children is automatically worse than Hitler, says an mob made up of fucking morons. The mob, which has been gathering online under the name “Your Uterus, Our Business,” has been gaining traction over the last week by writing all in caps, yelling incoherently and getting really sweary. “It’s a fucking disgrace,” head pitchfork wielder William […]

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#saturdaysatire: Pope Francis Forgives Women for Having Periods

In an act of unprecedented grace, Pope Francis has announced that the Catholic Church will allow priests to forgive women who have committed the “original sin” of menstruation. “It is important, in this Year of Mercy, for the Church to show compassion toward all members of society,” said Pope Francis, after the Synod on Girl Stuff concluded late last week. […]

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#saturdaysatire: State’s Abortion Waiting Period Allows Women To Explore Alternatives To Making Their Own Decisions

Saying the law provides women with an opportunity to carefully consider all their options, North Carolina officials today praised the state’s abortion waiting period for allowing women to explore alternatives to making their own decisions. “We want to make sure any woman seeking an abortion has ample opportunity to reconsider determining for herself what is best for her body,” said […]

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#saturdaysatire: Man Joining Feminist Movement Has No Ulterior Motive

A Dublin based student reportedly has no ulterior motive in joining his college’s feminist movement. WWN understands that Fergal Richards, a student at Trinity College Dublin, joined one of the college’s 27 feminist related movements to fight the oppression of women in society and not because he really fancies one of the movement’s members. “I resent the accusation that I […]

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#saturdaysatire: man finally put in charge of struggling feminist movement

An oldie but still wonderful. Also: current. The Onion‘s top work: WASHINGTON—After decades spent battling gender discrimination and inequality in the workplace, the feminist movement underwent a high-level shake-up last month, when 53-year-old management consultant Peter “Buck” McGowan took over as new chief of the worldwide initiative for women’s rights. McGowan, who now oversees the group’s day-to-day operations, said he […]

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#womenslives: If you want to know what it’s really like being a woman, listen to the people around her

“You’re so adorable! You’re gonna be a heartbreaker one day. Your daughter’s so well behaved. Aren’t you pretty? If you give me a smile I’ll give you an extra one too. Do you like princesses? Girls aren’t ghostbusters, they’re princesses! You don’t like princesses? Aah, you’re a tomboy, that’s cool too. Tomboys are always popular with the boys, but for […]

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#saturdaysatire: I don’t support feminism if it means murdering all men

Good points well made. Like any other socially conscious woman, I am a firm believer in gender equality. Ending workplace discrimination, making reproductive health care affordable—I’ve championed these goals my whole life. They’re important to me, and that’s why the feminist movement frustrates me so much. I’m sorry, but I simply cannot and will not support feminism if it means […]

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