#saturdaysatire: F*ckin’ gobsh*tes

And finally. bc really. BRITAIN is making headlines around the world today after over 17 million gobsh*tes did something rather stupid, WWN can reveal. Exit polling company YouGov confirmed that the biggest winners of the referendum, which saw Britain vote to leave the EU, turned out to be ignorance, casual racism and Nigel Farage’s erection. Many voters were swayed by […]

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#saturdaysatire: Americans confused by system of government in which leader would resign after making terrible decision

srsly. WASHINGTON—In the wake of Prime Minister David Cameron’s announcement that he would leave office following the United Kingdom’s vote to exit the European Union, tens of millions of Americans expressed their confusion to reporters Friday about a system of government in which a leader would resign after making a terrible decision. “Wait, so he made a really awful choice […]

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#saturdaysatire: woman who has it all knows exactly how she does it

Bridgette Ross of Boston, Massachusetts has confirmed that while she indeed has a lucrative career, supportive husband, and three healthy children, she also knows exactly how she does it. “It’s not a mystery,” Ross says. “I’m doing it on purpose.” Since the Ross family moved to Boston six months ago, neighbors have been wondering about this bizarre quirk in the […]

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#saturdaysatire: single woman over a certain age obviously has something wrong with her

Despite appearing perfectly normal to the naked eye, 33-year-old single woman Sarah Coogan has been confirmed as having ‘something wrong with her’ by a local Waterford community. Drawing on the wealth of scientific evidence that confirms the presumption that no one could possibly be single over a certain age without drawing suspicion from others, pillars of the local Dungarvan community have […]

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#saturdaysatire: polyamorous guy who brought ukulele to party explains feminism to young women

BERKELEY, CA – Witnesses report local ukulele owner and polyamorous man Rick Walcott graciously explained the core concepts of feminism to a group of female undergraduate students Saturday night during a house party near the University of California – Berkeley campus. “The thing is, women have been oppressed for so long that it’s not even about equality anymore,” Walcott said loudly, casually adjusting […]

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#saturdaysatire: man worried harassing messages he’s sending on dating app getting lost among abuse from other guys

NORRISTOWN, PA—Saying he wasn’t sure whether writing to them was even worth the effort at this point, local man Luke Browning expressed concern to reporters Tuesday that the offensive messages he’s been sending women through OkCupid are getting lost among all the harassment from other male users. “I can only imagine how many obscene comments and explicit threats the average […]

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#saturdaysatire: Four late comebacks worth chasing down your catcaller

No matter who you are, you’ve probably experienced unwanted catcalling and street harassment before you ever had a chance to respond. It’s almost like your aggressors aren’t interested in sticking around to learn about your personality! Here are five belated comebacks to yell at your street harasser as you chase him down the street that’ll make him say, “What? Who […]

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#saturdaysatire: woman with job constantly described as ‘fiercely independent’

Jennifer Marsh, who works an administrative job at a law firm, is frequently labeled “fiercely independent” by those who know her. Marsh has heard the label from friends, family, acquaintances, and even coworkers, all inspired by her unquenchable drive to maintain basic employment. “I never knew so little effort could garner this much attention,” reveals Marsh, who works as a […]

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#saturdaysatire: Woman arrested for crossing line of assertive yet non-threatening (down with this sort of thing) – @reductress

Early this morning, 37-year-old Toni Larkin was arrested for menacing and endangering the welfare of an entire Starbucks coffee shop after correcting someone who cut her in line. Despite earlier reports, the method in which she corrected the cutter was decidedly cranky, un-self-conscious, and not sexy. No injuries are reported at this time and the suspect is in custody. After […]

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#saturdaysatire: Five heroic male feminists who deserve the recognition they demand – @Reductress

1. Kyle Tolliver man. On January 18, 2015, Kyle Tolliver embarked on a heroic and selfless five-paragraph-long Facebook rant about the wage gap and mystifyingly received no phone numbers or messages of gratitude from hot women, even though he clearly demonstrated a keen understanding of what women go through every day of their lives. Kyle’s empathy was unparalleled, and yet, […]

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#saturdaysatire: International Women’s Day ruined by men

THE continued existence of the planet’s men is impeding the ability of women to enjoy International Women’s Day on their own terms, WWN has learned. The section of the male half of the earth’s population that specialise in leering and fawning as well as contrary and loutish behaviour have directly contributed to ruining the one day of the year dedicated […]

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