[…] Getting pregnant was one of the darkest points in my life. I was broke from quitting my job, going back to school, and then accepting a low-paying fellowship. I was alone and living in a brand new city that I hated. When I did get an abortion, just a few weeks into my pregnancy, I had to ask a coworker I barely knew to fulfill the requirement of staying by my side for the brutal hours after I took my abortion pill. If you’re still within nine weeks, the pill is a non-invasive alternative to a surgical procedure that lets you have an abortion from the comfort of your own home, but it comes with a small risk of excessive bleeding. I offered my coworker pizza and booze in exchange for coming over to make sure I didn’t accidentally pass out and bleed to death while curled up in pain on my bathroom floor.

My abortion did change me. The ability to choose for myself when and if I want children was empowering—it affirmed for me that I am in control of how I choose to live my life.

In the days leading up to my appointment at Planned Parenthood, where I would be given a prescription for the abortion pill, I would wake up in the middle of the night, my pajamas soaked in sweat from nightmares that somehow the abortion didn’t take, leaving me stuck with a baby I didn’t want and couldn’t afford, linked forever to some guy I’d met on OkCupid who refused to use a rubber. This fear was only exacerbated when, one night while trying to binge-watch my troubles away, I saw an episode of Private Practice about a woman who thought she’d gotten an abortion and later found out that the doctor had botched it. I envisioned having to quit my fellowship and move home to California, since there was no way I could handle a baby in my current situation. I worried that my life was over. The pregnancy itself made me physically ill, and the worrying only made me sicker.

My life went back to normal—actually it was better than that. I had imagined, in distressing detail, the life that I had planned for myself completely unraveling. But I had handled the situation and taken back command of my own body and life. I felt powerful, as if there were no obstacle I couldn’t surmount. I felt a deep sense of freedom, knowing that my only responsibility was to myself. I was overcome with gratitude and optimism and a new-found sense of control. I felt awesome.

© and read the rest: I had an abortion and it was a totally joyful experience (fusion)