It has been an appalling week. All satire brought to you today is about the #EURef. It was, in short, a fucking disaster and I am now in a laugh/ cry place. I expect to remain there for several years. Unlike in the EU.

@dailysquat: Millions of people are set to vote in the EU referendum today and decide whether they’d rather be shafted by a British government or a European one.

It promises to be one of the tightest elections in modern history with most polls declaring each side within just a point or two of each other. Even on voting day, many are still undecided on which shaft they’d rather be buggered by – a good, traditional British shaft, or one with more continental flair.

If Britain votes to leave the EU then that will give a British government full, exclusive rights to shaft their citizens on an ‘as and when’ basis. However if Britain votes to remain in the EU, then the EU can block a British shafting and provide a shafting on their own terms.

‘It’s like having a gun to your head and being forced to choose which end of the pineapple you want shoving up your arse first. It’s a tricky decision,’
said one, still undecided voter, Terry Woppley, 39.

But many have decided which end they’d prefer and will set off to the voting booths to make their voice heard.

‘The prospect of Boris Johnson being the ultimate voice in British politics is far too scary a proposition for my liking. The EU is like a condom that protects us from the most poisonous Conservative seed. That’s why I’m voting Remain,’ said Lauren Hacking, 28.

And the Leave side are equally adamant.

‘You know where you stand with a British shafting: you put on a stiff upper-lip and pray that it’ll all be over soon. That’s why I want to pull out of the EU,’ said Leave voter, Barry Hardacre, 56.

Source: dailysquat: Millions to vote whether to get shafted by a British or European government