The post below is mind-boggling, hilarious, and terrifying in equal parts. It is also a very good example of the ways in which: (1a) women are viewed, online and offline; (1b) the entitlement men feel they have to women’s bodies; (2a) the behaviour of people who think they are anonymous online; and (2b) what happens when that anonymity is threatened. All of the above is caught up in privilege and misogyny and a lack of respect for women’s boundaries and privacy. (And, by the way, whether those parameters are explicitly set or not is irrelevant.)
Dear Ralph Kaplan,
When I checked my email yesterday morning, I found that I had a new email from your email@example.com email account with the subject line “your condom advocacy”. Given my profession, it seemed perfectly legit, and I opened it. Turns out, it was anything but perfectly legit. Turns out, that this was the most offensive and upsetting email I’ve ever received, second only to a death threat from an anonymous person even sadder than you.
(Note to third party readers: the hyperlink to an interview I did with Cosmopolitan in which I mentioned that I personally use condoms, and the CAPITAL letter emphases are his own.)
I read that you have been with your guy for five years and have never had sex with him without using condoms. What is the point of that? What are you trying to prove? Now that you are MARRIED to him, are you going to allow him to have some condomless / bareback / raw / “naked penis” sex with you? You are not doing anything to help further the cause of sexual health by denying your husband of this perfectly natural activity that almost every other married couple in the world enjoys on a regular basis. If anything, you are discrediting yourself with this silly campaign.
I agree with you that condoms are a fact of life and arguably a necessity for those who are having sexual relations outside of a monogamous relationship, but it is ridiculous to promote them for people who are married or in committed relationships. Hormonal birth control works just fine for pregnancy prevention, and monogamy (with an uninfected partner) is 100% effective in preventing STIs. For a man, using a condom feels almost like wearing a piece of tupperware on his dick, and I do not understand why anyone would bother with them when they don’t have to…especially you and your HUSBAND.
If you’re interested in reading a realistic article about modern day sexual health and suggestions for sex educators, I recommend this one here…
I urge you to please reconsider your narrow-minded approach to sex education and be more realistic in your advice to others. Thank you!
Wow. WOW. There is just so much wrong with every line of this email. Let’s unpack it.